Of all the issues in health, one of the most challenging is dealing with toxic shame.

Guilt is a natural emotion and typically occurs after we have done something that is out of integrity with our values. It’s knowing you did something that you’re not aligned with and feeling like you want to be in integrity. To oversimplify it, it’s “I’ve done something I don’t like”.

Shame is taking it to the level of “I am something I don’t like”. It is fundamentally a part of who you are and you might feel it as low self-esteem, self judgement, embarrassment and even self-hatred.

Look at any harmful behavior, addiction or repeating pattern and you will often find some form of shame wrapped up in it.

It can be something as small as you cheated in grade school and didn’t deserve to pass, all the way up to you did serious injury to yourself and others and wish you weren’t here anymore.

Shame is one of the most powerful forms of control there is because unless you’re really able to forgive yourself for whatever it is, your default is to come back with some form of self-punishment or sabotage again and again.

There’s an old joke about someone quitting their habit (eating, smoking, whatever) and saying it was easy to stop, they’ve stopped hundreds of times. The unpleasant truth seems to be often that we can stop for a while, but the pattern repeats eventually until something changes.

If you’ve tried everything to change a harmful habit and it always seems to return, it might be time to play the vulnerability game and see how much shame you’re really ready to let go of.

Here are some great resources for when you are.